Do you remember...

My girls' baby books are not documented in pretty pink binding. They aren't captured with cute hats and bows. We don't have a two week picture or a two month picture. We have the carepages.

I remember using those as a way to cope...a way to tell those that I love without having a full on emotional breakdown. I remember having the carepages there to be a voice to my overwhelming feelings. Those internal dialogues and outward messages to the world are now my baby book. They captured their life at two weeks, and at two months, and at three and four months when they came home.

They are the story of how we both survived.

Mia at two weeks old:

Lily at two weeks old:

www.carepages.com Name: TwoSweatPeas

Earnest Christmas Story

So I usually wonder what makes us "us" and who are we as a family, a wife, mother, husband, sister, etc. Sometimes I think I catch a glimpse in photos. I love the word glimpse - it's like an onomatopoeia - a word that makes a sound that sort of ressembles the word's meaning, like bang.

In the last few weeks, I've had a few glimpses into our crazy world in which I see moments that I I will cherish forever. My brave girl getting her cast on and saying still running out of the doctor's appointment. Her fierce determination and hope are beyond words. My girls gushing over and supporting Mia through yet another change but one that doesn't shake them. My husband, who holds his baby girl like she is still his baby girl.

We managed to survive the holidays - as of today anyway - and to do so brings a hard earned confidence that, I can handle anything. A glimpse at confidence until yet something else happens or changes. We are Fearless - and can handle what comes.

A glimpse in to a crazy routine before it gets any crazier! Routine is overrated but we try and have a resemblance somewhere of a routine during the week. For us that means now weekly OT visits, weekly PT visits, and casting. Only a glimpse though because it always changes, it always goes by way to quickly, and before it's over I wonder how to hold on to the glimpses forever.

Off to the races...

And with a long absence (after looking at my last post) I thought it best to start anew. New design, new template, new name, and a new update! I hope to use this more for our family album for all to see and so that I might also catalogue Mia's progress in our upcoming adventures. For Mia, and for us, changes will happen fast and furious.
Mia received botox in her calf a week ago and will be getting a cast on her right leg the Friday before Christmas. She isn't thrilled but we're hoping for the next eight weeks to fly by!
We'll document her progress in pictures and her weekly cast theme! :)

New home - New start

Emma loves her new house and eventhough we're not "in the woods" she still manages to catch a frog (do you see it?)

Lily kissing herself in the mirror while she was playing dress up!

Mia's new start began by becoming rebellious - playing the mud and cruising around in the barbie jeep!


We're trying and we're slowly getting there. I don't even have pictures on what it looks like since it's been ours but it's a work in progress and I hope soon I'll be able to make some memories with all of my friends and family!

Summer Fun

I love summer but I'm not a fan of the heat...

These are my perfect summer photos. The girls and I eating popsicles outside. We like to see what colors the stick is when we're done. We color a picture with that same color when we're done too.

We have so much fun just in the ordinary. I love them.

A New Year...

I took a few minutes to look back on the carepage messages at our lives just one year ago. It is nothing short of a miracle how far we’ve come in such a short amount of time. I can say that knowing that we still have a long journey ahead of us but feel comforted knowing that I see God’s work everyday in my life and the life of my children. I know too that this is a journey – not an event – not a marathon or a relay. It requires endurance, a well articulated plan, and patience. A LOT of patience. I’ve been working on my patience this holiday and something I pray for everyday. Not just the daily patience I need to be a good mom but the patience it takes to handle three kids under 5 and the patience to get through all of their different hurdles. I pray for the patience that it will take to handle the answers to the questions I yearn for – “what if Mia never walks”, “what disabilities will she face”, “how will I handle those disabilities”, “what will her life be like”, “what will my life be like”…

Sometime this is easy – I need patience to answer questions from strangers and even friends and family when someone asks if Mia is walking. No she isn’t. I need the patience with family when people do not know that her shunt is permanent – yes, forever. Questions like how are they doing? Fine, but fine really doesn’t sum up all they’ve been through. It is really a typical question but one that usually gets a typical answer. My children are not typical. Or comments like boy your kids are so small – yes they are…and by the way they were all born that way and even close to not being with us at all. I really do understand that these are things not meant to harm or hurt but they do. Don’t be scared to ask about my girls but also know that with any parent of a child with special needs or parents of children that are different, that even the most normal question or comments shakes them. We are always out of our comfort zone even when we are around people who love and care for us. I don’t mean to be so sensitive – I wish I weren’t.

I need the patience to understand I do not have all the answers for my children. A luxury I think some parents have – even though who really knows these things. It isn’t easy for me to think I can’t solve some of these problems for them/ for my family but I think that is one of the most valuable parenting lessons I’ve learned in the last year. I don’t have to have all of the answers… Another lesson I’ve learned is that my children are not necessarily a direct reflection on my parenting. They are who they are – no matter how good of a parent I might be. Mia will walk when she walks, if she walks, no matter how much I might want her to and no matter how much we might practice. God’s will, not mine. Emma and Lily will have their own struggles and what will teach them about these is going through that experience, not just about the lesson I might teach them. Mia got her glasses the other day and although we haven’t wore them much I have really likened all of difficulties to these glasses. Its funny really – I can‘t correct her eyes no matter what I do. That is how God made her. I know that. Her eyes are just something that she’ll need help with and I’m okay with that. When I think about her legs, her walking, her mind, her abilities, if I can just use her glasses as my “vision” to her see her disabilities as just things that need extra support then I wouldn’t worry so much about what I am doing wrong but that she is getting everything she needs - from me and everywhere else.

We struggle with all of the unknowns but find strength in all of us as a family. We get through it together. I must admit J that I am not always the most pleasant mother- wife – but my family loves me anyway. Craig still loves me after all we’ve been through. I’m not sure many relationships would have stayed as in tact. We’ve struggled but we’ve also been there for one another through it all. There are times when I might say or feel otherwise but this past year really has been wonderful for us as a family and as a couple.

Thank you for your wonderful Christmas greetings and how great it is to get together with all of our friends and family over the holidays. We don’t get to see everyone often but love being able to spend time with the people that mean the most to us! We look forward to wonderful beginning to a New Year – and hope we’ll get to see everyone more and more as the year goes on! So many wonderful things happening this year – I can not wait to see and experience all of the exciting things ahead for us.

God’s blessing to all of you for a wonderful year filled with incredible moments and lasting memories. Prayers for strength – health – and happiness. Amen.

Love you all ~ Sarah

Halloween 2007